Speak.

Have you ever feel like giving up on something but you're afraid that if you do so, you'll end up hurting people that you love?

So you keep it between you and God.
Because you think you better not hurt others.
Better be good.
Better spreading love instead of destroying others' loves towards you.

Have you? Ever feel like this?

It'd be a lie if i said i never felt like one.
But i'm here to give you some supports (well if you need some) especially when it comes to people who always face this kind of situation and end up keeping it to themselves.

You know what, I'm also one of those people who always keep what i really feel to myself. I guess blogging is the only way to express my inner feelings towards others. True, action speaks louder than words but when it comes to this situation, people don't always get it right. Am i right? So here i am, writing this......yeah..

There was one time which i was really offended by someone (lets call this someone by L, much easier), because i'd put my trust on L like almost 100%. So I thought like "oh ok then" and acted like nothing happened. Acted like i was totally fine. Like, "yeah whatever i'll be fine later on". And on another day...this L pissed me off even more. I don't wanna say what L did to me but yea i was so pissed off. But the thing was, i didn't know how to tell my feelings to L so i kept my mouth shut and yup again, i acted like nothing happened! Yeeasss. But suddenly L asked me if i was really in a good mood (well...i guess i'm suck at acting hahahaha) and of course i said i was doing fine. L kept asking me and i kept repeating the same answer lol i was totally a mess :') But i didn't wanna hurt L so..em..

Then, i shared my problem with my siblings. I kept being positive but i guess all i did was just saying i was fine without even feeling it, that time. And then my sister started to give her advices. Honestly, i really like sharing my problems with her because for me, other than God, she's understandable enough. Psychologist-to-be, and can become so supportive everytime i talk to her. So she told me that i actually need to speak. Communicate. If i don't, then how will L know how i totally feel? How can i expect that L will change to be a better one? How can i expect that i will be fine? If L knows what went wrong, then L knows what to fix. But communicate in a mature way. Nicely. So i tried. I spoke to L and things changed. To a better one.

What i want to emphasize here, is, speak. Communication is like a key for everything. Tapi cakap tu elok elok la. Don't speak without thinking first. Speak what you really feel. What you really want things used to be. And what you really think things gonna change for better ones if you speak. Don't hide. If you're strong enough to keep it to yourself because you know you have The One up there, then that's fine. But if you think you're not, then trust me one day you may explode. Or you may end up being the one who's always broken. Don't be hard on yourself. Well..yourself needs some love too. But make sure to listen to others' opinions too, so you know what to fix.

But i know it's not easy. For some people. I know.
I can't help, other than giving advice to you.
You're the one who should decide.

I love happiness.
And i know everyone wants to be happy too.
But one thing we need to know, is,
In this worldly life,
No happiness comes without storms.
You'll face challenges.
You'll fear problems.

But you should know as well,
that,
God will never burden you with something you can't bear.
So no matter how hard it is,
How weak you think you are,
You will go through it.
You will.
Because you're actually strong.
Stronger than you think you are. :)

It will be fine

If you're about to pursue degree like me and worry about your future, i hope my writing here will help you think more positive and live way better :)

Its not even wrong to think about your future, but what makes it worst is, when you worry too much about your future.

Me. I do worry about my future as well. But here, i wanna share a story on how i realised that i shouldn't worry too much; my future life, job, money, etc.

The feelings and concern

At first, i admit that even though i got my first choice to pursue my degree, i still had this one worry feeling about my future. "Can i live a peaceful life? Can i get a good job? Or can i earn enough money to live?" I was so worry and what worse is that all those concerns hit me everytime i couldn't sleep at night. Yup it's true that deep inside, i believe in God's plan because He knows whats better for me. But the thing was, i just didn't know why i couldn't stop thinking about my future life.

"Why do you even worry if you already got your first choice? Like...thats what you want right?"

I do get that. I do. I admit i did feel noob for taking like not-so-known course as my first choice when i could apply for a better one with my cgpa. Biomed, biochem, chem engineering; i didn't explore the courses enough. But its not that i'm not into my first choice because i do have interest in the course i get. Its just that after i applied to that course, i got worry like, "Can i live a better life if the course i take is not well-known like medic or engineering?" Oh crap.

The confession and advices

So i confessed my mix feelings to my mum. Should i appeal for another course just in case my first choice doesn't suit me?

Here i tell you some of my mum's words;

"Why you worry too much when you didn't even live yet with the course you get? At least you should try your best on whats coming. If you worry too much about your future, you will not enjoy what you have now. When you don't enjoy what you do, you'll quit. And how can you be a successful person then? Don't fear, don't run. Face it. Enjoy it. Don't let others' opinions shallow your mind. Because when you have interest, you will enjoy studying the course. If you still can't handle the course, then do something to be successful. What's coming is always better than what's gone. You know that right?"

Thank God, I was relieved when i listened to that.
Oh and i did cry to my sisters and confessed how i truly felt. I guess i couldn't bear with my emotion at that time since i rarely cry in front of my sisters especially when it comes to my concern. It was late at night and my sisters tried to comfort me; they told me about their life experiences, googled and showed me how great my course was, and reminded me of my own capabilities. I was so touched and true, they really opened my eyes to always believe in God's plan.

And to be more confident with myself, i asked few seniors who took the same course like me for some tips. Alhamdulillah their words did comfort me and now i feel waaaay better when i know that i can get a good job if i study well in my course.

Lessons, motivation and reminder (for you and me as well)

To be honest, i'm not a person who shares my problem on social media because i prefer to just keep it to myself, or share it with my beloved ones and God. But here, i wanna motivate some of people out there who're really worry about their upcoming degree life (I guess its not only for those yg akan sambung degree nanti, it can be for anyone yg tak yakin dgn future life. Right?)

God's plan is always the best for us, have faith.
Whatever you do, or whatever comes, just face it with confidence.
Positive thinking is a must! But without effort, it means nothing.
So work hard, work smart, and don't lose hope.

True there will be hard times,
Where our confidence level may be below zero.
But its fine if you decide to stand again,
And know that there will also be good times.
Where your hardwork will give fruity outcomes,
And your life will be way better.

Happiness is always a choice.
Either to look at the brighter or darker side,
Either to face it or fear it,
Either to learn or run from it,
You decide.

So all the best, my friends! Lets try our best and pray for a better future! Gooooodluck! <3

The Painful Facts- Physical Appearances

Deep inside, it hurts. Because honestly, i do care about this thing. Why must 'judging & making fun of other people according to their physical appearances' exists in this world? It breaks my heart into pieces. I swear. Wanna know the "painful facts" are? Here: Hitam gemuk je tak cantik/handsome, putih kurus je cantik/handsome. See...ini semua mengarut. For me, semua org ada kecantikan dia yg tersendiri. Beauty is not only can be seen in physical appearances. I know it really hurts people yg ada imperfect physical appearance. Mcm biasa, bila gemuk dijadikan bahan lawak. Bila hitam dipanggil itu ini. Kalau org tu mmg tak kisah, then thats okay. But kita taktau the truth, apa yg dorang rasa. And from my perspective, actually it does hurt people yg ada better physical appearances too. I have this one friend of mine, which dia ni mmg handsome, and sooo friendly. But mcm mana some people tengok dia? "Eleh handsome bolehla buat kawan" "Tahulah handsome, tak perlulah ckp dgn semua perempuan. Nampak sgt playboy". That's so rude... People should not be thinking like this. Another example is, bila org yg kulit gelap ni kena ejek. And bila dah kena ejek or jadi bahan org, dia mula fikir "Putih jela yg cantik" "Putih jela yg dpt attention". No. Thats not how it should be. This thingy can be looked from many perspectives. Korang boleh bayangkan korang jadi someone yg ada nice physical appearances, and korang boleh bayangkan korang jadi someone yg ada not-so-nice physical appearances. Both sides, can get through this kind of silent pain. For some people yg ada nice physical appearances, mmg la dia happy. But ada org yg taknak pun nak bangga diri dgn physical appearances dia. "Cantik bolehla" "Putih, siapa je tak suka". That hurts. That really hurts, to be honest. I really don't know how to explain this thing but do know that everyone's beautiful in their own ways. Physical appearances are not long-lasting, after all. Appreciate people. Think before you speak.

Its Been Hard

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

Assalamualaikum and well, hi everyone! Umm can i just go straight into our topic right now? Because i think its too cliche for me to say something like "its been a long time since blablabla.." Isn't it? Hahaha admit it!

Its Been Hard

Well i'm not really sure writing this is a good idea because not everyone can understand what i'm gonna say.. But nah, i still can give it a try right? Hehe. So basically today's topic is actually about perspective; how many people judge someone by looking at their past, by looking at their sins or wrongdoings. And i think its better to put some desperate words as the title because its been hard, for someone who wants to be good or do good, but they think they can never be, just because of others' perspectives towards them. You get me? Okay cool, lets get deeper now.

It's so unacceptable if people judge someone by their past. Look, if you see someone sins today, you better don't look at them as a sinner tomorrow. Why? Because you'll never know if they've regretted their wrongdoings, and repented to God that night. Even if they didn't, but still, don't look down on them. It will just make you look even worse. Okay, what i'm gonna point out here is, don't you think its too harsh for them to receive this type of judgement? Like they want to be good after all, but its just too hard, it doesn't go really smooth because people keep looking at them as a bad person. I think its just like second chances. Some people don't really believe in second chances, and some people think second chances are better. Well for me, we all deserve second chances. Imagine you do something wrong and people keep babbling about it. You'll definitely feel down and think like "Am i that bad?". Or maybe you'll fight for your own rights. Here, second chances play the role. Will you be forgiven? Will people still believe in you like before?

You know what? From my own perspective, many people can never stop judging others because we all know that they're human just like everyone else. So its been really really reaaallyyy hard for someone who wants to do good but is surrounded by those kind of people. If they say they can be a leader, people will just look at them like "Really?" "You?" "Leader?" "If that then you're gonna destroy this company!". If they say they can finish all the assignments by themselves, people will be like "Nah" "You'll never do that" "You never finish your works before!". Can you see the struggle they put to be better? If they say they can lead you, believe in them. And if they say they can finish all the works, then believe in them. Motivate them. "I believe in you" "If its getting hard, we're still here for you" "Goodluck then, i know you can do better". Is it hard to give good thoughts towards them? They're still human, they have feelings too. If they're not trying to be a better person, then why do they think they can be a leader? Why do they think they can finish their works? When they know there are other people they can depend on? Just..please, don't look down on them just because they always had arguments before, they always made fun of other people before, they always came late and didn't finish their works before. Its all about past. Unless they're still playing and didn't change for good until now.

I know everyone has their own problems or challenges that need to be faced.. But here, the situation is different, in which some people just cannot change because they think like if they do something better, others will still look down on them, others will still judge them by their past, others will still look at them like the old them, others will still not believe in them. "You don't need to care what people think of you". It looks easy for some people, but indeed not all of us can do that. So whats now? Everyone should be respected. Even when you're with your friends, you still have your limit in which they should respect you, am i right or am i right? It's sooo difficult for me to explain these things, but somehow i think its necessary for me to send out this kind of message. I feel really bad looking at someone who faces something like i said before. They really want to be a better person. They really want to make their parents proud of them. And they really want to give their best, in everything they do. Can we give them another chance and believe in them instead?

I still feel like expressing my mixed feelings right now but.. to put it in words is hard. Because sometimes it depends on the situation. Like if someone say they'll never do blablabla, but they still end up by doing the blablabla again, then whats the point of giving them another chances? Unless they really regret with themselves. Well I think thats all for now, i'm sorry if my words hurt any of you. Thankyou for reading this blogpost of mine. Really appreciate.